Corner Bed Set

The other day I was thinking about the bedroom set I had when I was a teenager.  It was one of those corner units from the seventies that had 2 cot style beds at 90°s with some sort of table or storage unit in the center.  We got mine from the furniture store in Inglewood CA that my Uncle Sy was managing at the time.  A dark brown tartan style pattern with seat cushion covers for the beds and bolster pillows for when the bed was “made.”  The center table I had was also a sort of cabinet for storing pillows in.  Of course being a teenager that was where I stashed my pot and porno mag collection.  When my mom upgraded her sewing box to a big, new, fancy plastic tool box type, I asked for her old boxy wooden one that I was able to put a padlock onto (it was perfect for my stash and assorted smoking paraphernalia!).  When not used to sleep on, the beds made perfect couches to chill out and party on (when my parents weren’t home of course).  My walls were adorned with giant rock posters of KISS and LED ZEPELLIN in concert.  I would rock out for hours, imagining I was Peter Criss or John Bonham.

So many good memories in that room!  Because my room was in the front of the house, I could climb through my window when I got home too stoned and too late.  After my Bar Mitzvah I took some of my gift money and bought an Emerson radio with an 8 track player and one of those light boxes with the corrugated opaque plastic front that flashed to colored lights to the beat of the music.  And the first 8 track tape I got (as a gift) was Fandango by ZZ Top.  My friend Tony Carpenter used to sleep over on Friday nights.  We’d stay up late drinking crazy concoctions of sodas and watch The Midnight Special hosted by Wolfman Jack.  I remember being sick once and throwing up after a dose of Pepto Bismol while listening to Steve Miller’s Fly Like An Eagle.

I lost my virginity on this bed.  It was the summer between my sophomore and junior year and I was hanging out with a girl who lived up the hill from me that I went to elementary school with.  We were partying and became more like friends with benefits ;-).  One night while fooling around we went all-the-way, and from that moment on I was hooked on that feeling…and my hormones raged on!

Who says marijuana effects your memory?

Got [expensive] Gifts?

I find it amazing, and appalling at the Christmas ads and commercials that most Americans (the 99%) are bombarded with this time of year.

For men, their ladies show how much they love them on Christmas by giving an expensive car with a big fucking bow on it (one commercial even has the guy getting a smart phone and a car!).

And the way to sparkle a woman’s holiday is with…you guessed it, diamonds.

These ads are discriminatory because they cater to the 1%.  WHO THE FUCK CAN AFFORD TO GIVE THESE KINDS OF GIFTS FOR CHRISTMAS?!?  Probably not the 99% of us who are working paycheck to paycheck, living without insurance, or are unemployed and floating above homelessness.  It’s like the wealthy are rubbing it in our noses by saying, “Oh, you can’t afford to give these fine gifts to the ones you love…too bad!”  As if there isn’t enough stress in life with all the peaceful protesters being beaten and pepper sprayed by cops, and our bi-partisan presidential nominees are a bunch of opportunistic morons…AND I’M UNCARING BECAUSE I CAN’T GIVE MY WIFE DIAMONDS FOR CHRISTMAS…FUCK YOU!!!!!!!

When I can afford to care for my family and give meaningful expensive gifts, I will.  Not because some greedy ad agency crams a billion commercials down my throat for the month of December, but because I want to.

How about spending some quality time talking with the people in your life.  Or going around your community and doing anonymous giving like putting money in someone’s parking meter, paying the tab for another table in a restaurant, or buying the coffee for the person behind you at Starbucks.  Or simply going for a walk and smiling at folks as they go by.

Do what feels right this holiday season and give of your overflow, and not create more debt.

One Hell of a Blowjob

The recent windstorm of what I think were some extreme Santa Ana Winds have unearthed much of Southern California and surrounding western states.  We’re not used to seeing gusts of up to 100 mph here in Pasadena CA.  The tall, shallow root trees that keep the San Gabriel Valley beautiful were no match for these gail force gusts.  Add to that the dry conditions and you’ve got the added danger of another brushfire season.  And let’s not forget about what these weather conditions do to your sinus’ and allergies.

And when concrete light poles and traffic signals bend and break in half…you know the shit has hit the fan!

Fuck anyone who says that there’s no such thing as Climate Change or Global Warming!  The frequency and intensity of the natural disasters that have been occurring on this planet over that past decade (at least) has noticeably increased.  If you don’t see that then you must be an ostrich with your head in the sand.

The next thing we have to worry about here in Southern California is the clogged drainage systems and sewers when the rains come.  We Angelinos don’t handle flooding very well.

WTH?!?

Holy crap, where the hell has Scott been and why hasn’t he been blogging?!?!?!?

Hmmm, let’s see…..I’ve been doing other shit and spending most of my time posting crap on Facebook (oh yeah, that and I have my ‘job’ at the H).  It seems like it’s all the same shit with many different holes to leak out of (Facebook, WordPress, Twitter, Linkdin, e-mail…).

So here I am, blogging again.  But from what I hear even blogging is becoming a lost art to the all mighty podcast.  I’m only a little behind on this trend in communication, I’ve got one in the works that I hope to be sharing soon.  For me talking is much easier than typing.

Sometimes I think I’m becoming narcoleptic because the longer I sit at my computer, the quicker I fall asleep at my desk sitting up.  Maybe I just get so bored with all the bullshit that’s on the internet that the only way I feel I can cope is to snore away reality.  Even on Facebook I see either Liberals and Republicans on their soapboxes or every other comic I know promoting their next show.  What happened to the good ol’ days of porn?

I’ve been listening to Marc Maron’s podcast WTF and his interviews with other comedians.  First of all I think Marc is a very funny and smart comic and fellow bad Jew.  Second, these interviews have been extremely inspiring while at the same time make me hate the whole ‘show business’ side of it and the horse-shit politics that go with it!  Well, what the fuck?

I feel like I’m starting to find my comic voice and am much more grounded when I’m on stage.  It’s frustrating doing showcases where there are so many comics and a lot of hacky shit out there training audiences to think that that’s what stand up comedy is.  I’m not a competitive kind of person, so fighting for attention in the midst of the muck and mire sucks for me.  I’d much rather do my own thing and truly entertain people with my brand of insecurities and disfunction.

(*Distracted by my mix of different versions of the song Frankenstein pumpin’ through my headphones as I try to type this blog posting.)

The whole Occupy Wall Street movement against the 1% in this country is ultimately going to come down to a marketing war – who can out sell their cause and have the best smear campaign against their opposition.  It’s already becoming watered down from all the mass media and joking about it.  Getting pepper sprayed by a cop is an internet meme.  The verb occupy is now the hot buzz word is selling.  And yet in the midst of all this protesting against these huge corporations the Black Friday craze was just as popular and violent as ever...yeah, that’ll show ’em!

My Aunt Pearl, who is basically the matriarch of my family on my dads side and probably the closest relative I have in terms of a mother figure is in the hospital.  Last week she had a heart attack and fell at home.  I believe she is in her 80’s and has had her share of health issues throughout her life, and is one of the strongest women I know.  We have a deal that when she gets out of the hospital she and I have a prank to pull on one of my uncles (a prank that her son/my cousin Steve aka Uncle Trouble pulled years ago).

<nodding off as I sit here thinking of what to write next>

I think I’ll stop now.

This little blogger,

• Metallic blue and green nail polish
  Women and girls are wearing these ugly shades of blue and green in this metallic shade of nail polish on their toes and fingers and I think it’s just nauseating!  They are two of the most un-natural colors you could wear on a human body.  I’d rather see black, at least then they’d look like a cool goth chick.
• The Blue and the Red
  I getting really fucking tired of our patriotic war between the Democrats and the Republics.  It’s getting really old and things in this country are getting worse as a result.  Can’t we all just get along…and move on?!?
• Blind Loyalty
  To a government, a religion, an organization, a movement, a celebrity…whatever.  Think for yourselves people.  I’m not say don’t get involved and don’t be a part of any of these things, but don’t lose yourself in the process.  Make yourself (personally – your health and wellbeing) the 1% you support first, then help the other 99.
• Trends
  I don’t like following them.  I like fucking with the new ones and starting my own.
• Stupid games and apps on Facebook
• Marie Callendar’s low fat cornbread mix
  It taste NASTY and has a bitter chemical after taste.
• Capri pants on men
  I don’t care if it’s “European,” it’s gay!  And not in the honest “I’m proud to be homosexual gay,” but in the lame I’m-following-a-trend-gay!  Also, just because it comes in a camo print and has cargo pocket doesn’t mean they’re manly…they’re still gay.
• New porn
  Bring back the classics.
• Overly bright porch lights
  Having a light on in front of your house for safety is one thing, but lighting up the neighborhood like Charlton Heston in Omega Man is ridiculous!  I hate being blinded while walking the dog past a house that has a billion watts burning a valley into my retinas!