The poop of Grepsie

Posted: February 7, 2011 in Rants

My dear, sweet, lovable pooch Grepsie plays games with me when it comes to her poop.  Most dogs poop on grass or dirt when they have to go, and move on.  Not Greps.  First she has to sniff out the perfect spot to squat.  She could have been holding it for hours, and have to go so bad it hurts, but she’ll wait…and wait…and wait…until she finds the ultimate location for her defecation.  And it’s not simply a spot on some freshly cut grass, no she has to find either the tallest overgrown grass, a flower garden, or pressed up against a tree or light pole – the messiest and hard to reach places to have to reach in a [try to] pick up poop!  She acts like she’s an artist creating a sculpture of modern art to be admired by the masses!  I think it’s a control issue, like she’s thinking, “You may be holding the leash and telling me where to walk, but I’m going to tell you where to stick your arm in to pick up my crap!”  Sometimes she’ll take so much time pooping she looks like a chef on the Food Network “plating” a gourmet meal.

And she’s just as picky when it comes to peeing.  Sometimes when she knows I’m in a hurry she’ll do the fake-out.  She can tell by the tone of my voice when I’m repeating, “Come on Greps go pee, go pee, go pee!!!”  Which prompts her to sniff EVERYWHERE and do NOTHING.  Then she’ll lift her leg for a second, stop, look up at me to make sure I’m watching, and shake her head as if to say, “No, that’s not the spot,” and move on!  What a little bitch!

Grepsie's Tush

I love my dog like she’s my child, and have high blood pressure like she’s my child.
OY!

A working Smurf, is a happy Smurf

Posted: February 5, 2011 in Rants

My Addiction

Posted: February 4, 2011 in Rants

Yep, coffee.  The only substance that I could say I abuse is caffeine.  If I don’t get my morning mugs o’ Joe, I get the worst withdrawal headaches ever!  I don’t need to go to Starbucks for an espresso, cappuccino or latte, no steamed milk or fancy creamers.  Just a nice black coffee with a packet of pink (Sweet’N Low).

Me and my pig mug

I grew up in an era where drinking coffee was more common than drinking water.  In the 1950’s and 1960’s on television no matter what time of day or night, people were either serving coffee (or just happen to have a fresh pot brewing) or were drinking it at a restaurant or coffee shop.

People had friends, family, and business associates “over for coffee.”  After a meal it was always customary to serve coffee with dessert.  My parents, as well as all my aunts and uncles had those huge 144 cup coffee percolators.  And as I got older and worked for some of my relatives in the restaurant business the all mighty java was always close at hand.

These days most of the comedy open mics where I work out are held at coffee houses (Tuesday nights at The Coffee Gallery in Altadena and my open mic on the first Thursday of every month at the Tribal Cafe in L.A.).  Even when I play at a club such as The Ice House, I prefer to have some coffee before I hit the stage.

I guess there could be worse things to be addicted to that are illegal and lethal such as heroin.  Hell, I can barely afford a large coffee at some of these places!  I do praise the bean and all the good times I’ve had over a cup (or two, or three, or…) and some stimulating conversation, but I don’t agree with kids going into Starbucks and drinking coffee drinks like it’s Kool-Aid!  That much caffeine at a young age (and I’m talking about soda as well) is not healthy.  As teenagers become young adults and decide to start drinking coffee, fine.  I didn’t start drinking it until I was in my 20’s, long before there was a Starbucks on every corner.

Well, gotta get back to my studying.  I think I need some hot java!

Year of The Rabbit

Posted: February 3, 2011 in Rants

Feb. 3, 2001

In the Chinese zodiac the Year of The Rabbit begins.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I was born in the year of the Rabbit, 1963.
This explains why I’m so lucky, love carrots, and was born with big ears.
(I never did get the whole Easter Bunny thing though)

Maybe it’s my rabbit instinct, but I have a good feeling about this year.  Like I’ve said before,
Oh thank Heaven, for 2011!

I don’t know how lucky it is for the rabbit, but I’ve always felt a little safer when I had a lucky rabbits foot on my key chain.

3 of my favorite rabbits are:

Bugs Bunny

Roger Rabbit

Jessica Rabbit

 

 

Okay, Jessica is a Rabbit by marriage, but who cares?!?
HUBBA HUBBA!!

 

Happy Chinese New Year!

Subway cold weather anger management

Posted: February 2, 2011 in Rants

Beth and I stopped at Subway to pick up a couple of sandwiches for lunch today.  There was a sign on the glass behind which they make the sandwiches that said, “FOLLOW US ON TWITTER.”  What is there to follow on a tweet from Subway?
“hello, welcome to subway”
“what kind of bread?”
“6 inch or footlong?”
“what kind of cheese?”
“mustard?  mayo?”
“combo?”
“is that for here or to go?”

§

I can’t complain about the cold.  Last night as I was walking the dog I could see the steam from my breath and thought, “Fuck it’s cold tonight!”  I think it got down to the high 30’s.  Then I look at what most of the country is dealing with…

“HOLY FROZEN STATES BATMAN!”

My warm Southern California heart goes out to everyone across the U.S.of A. dealing with this massive winter storm.  I’m sure that with the weather getting more and more extreme and erratic across the globe, it’s just a matter of time until sunny So. Cal. will be hit by a similar blizzard and blanketed with snow.  Can you imagine Los Angeles during a snow storm?  This whole city, hell the whole State would fucking shut down and knowing the good citizens of LA would use it as another excuse to go on a rioting spree (I know, I have such high moral standards for the city I live in).  Ha!  You think traffic is bad now?!?  Maybe the weight of all the snow would collapse California into the Pacific and Arizona will become beach front property.  Snowboarding through the Sepulveda Pass!  The Matterhorn at Disneyland would look like just another part of the landscape.  Los Angeles could host the Winter Olympics.

§

Does anyone remember Bataca Bats?  They are also called Encounter Bats; soft padded foam bats that were/are used for anger management and aggression therapy that were popular in the late 60’s and 70’s.


I’m looking for a pair because I think I need to get out some repressed anger towards my parents and other select individuals from my past.  I’ve used them back in my Insight Transformational Seminar days and it really works wonders!  Reply to this post if you’ve got any leads for me…thanks!

In the meantime, I think it’s time for dessert ;-)